we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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