So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
