god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
