Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
