Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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