Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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