i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
