You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
