i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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