is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
