i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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