I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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