just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
