I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
