But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dicks are not precious.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
