ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
