well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
