I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
