I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
