No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
