He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
