i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
