One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
