I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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