I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize