I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm like, not good at living.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
