his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
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