I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
