she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
