I faked an abortion last night.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
