i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
