The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
