It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
