This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
