if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
