Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
