He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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