He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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