3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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