Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
