walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
