i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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