I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
