census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Drunk is not a location!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
