I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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