Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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