If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
