I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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