you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You had me at "let me see your balls"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
