We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
