My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
