Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
