i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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