So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
