After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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