Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
