I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
