You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
